Joy-one day at a time
Jessica Diaz
When we commit ourselves to self love, it doesn't mean our insecurities, worries, or fears magically disappear. But somehow-and maybe it is magical-when we hold ourselves with love, we have the wisdom to know that no matter what negative thoughts creep in, we are inherently good, and exactly who we are meant to be.
At The Body Positive workshops, we talk about the role our critical voices play in our lives. The critical voice is that nagging voice that torments us and makes us feel terrible about ourselves. Your critical voice may be your own nasty voice in your head, or it may be the memory you hold of what people have said to you that made you feel worthless. Often, the voices in our heads that we identify as our own, are actually the blending together of the messages from the people who have wounded us in the past with their words. A parent, a friend, a lover-their negative words have power-and we turn their messages into our own, without knowing we have done so.
Depending on what is going on in our lives, the voices may be soft or they may actually shout at us, commanding our attention. What is important to notice, no matter how softly or loudly our internal critic persists, is that the critical voices negatively affect our bodies, both physically and emotionally. Listening to, and believing, the critical voice is very damaging to our souls. It changes our whole perception of the world around us and makes us feel afraid, alone, vulnerable, and sometimes numb as we try to connect to others.
The work of self love honors the voice of the heart. While we cannot always remove our critical voices, and while we cannot insulate ourselves fully from outward influences and things beyond our control, we can choose what we take in. Loving ourselves means we know we are exactly enough just as we are, and that there is nothing we need to change about ourselves to be happy. We can learn to cultivate the loving voice by fine-tuning it like a radio station, so that its kind and compassionate messages make the critical voices fade.
Self love is what supports us when times are tough. It is what protects our hearts when people are cruel. It is what holds us in a cocoon of love and adoration, despite the inevitable sorrows of life.
When we feel down, it is as if there is no good anywhere in life. An important practice for me is to think about my days measured in joy, rather than misery. At the end of each day, I often ask myself:
What was good about my day?
What made me smile?
What made me laugh?
How can I recreate these feelings on a daily basis?
Does this mean changing my schedule to fit in more joyful experiences?
Does this mean spending more time with friends or spending more time by myself?
The ways in which we can bring joy into our lives are numerous. There is just as much joy in this world as there is sorrow. And if you fine-tune your receptor, you may catch more moments of joy and hold on to them longer. My joy practice is to smile. When things are going awry and I feel off balance, I smile and hold my hand to my heart. Just this simple act helps me know I am okay and I am good and this difficult moment will pass.
Try taking a deep breath and smiling, because it is impossible to frown and smile at the same time. Smiling for no reason lightens our spirits. Our light is then radiated out to the world and we create moments of joy for others.
I choose to see joy! I choose self love!